“Help, My Marriage Is In The Toilet!”
March 26, 2006. Pastor Matt
There is no way
I can tell you everything you need to know to have a better marriage in 30 minutes.
All scripture is
God-breathed and useful.
Most of what I learned
about marriage, I learned before I got married.
Genesis 2:18-25
2:18. The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man
to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Marriage
is about companionship
It is cooperation between two people. The institution will not work unless their is cooperation.
Man is not the slave master of woman. Instead, as man leads the family, the woman helps him as he leads.
EXAMPLE: As in moving furniture...
Ephesians
5:21. Submit to one another out of reverence
for Christ.
-
on through the end of the chapter it shows an order to things
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two people cannot be in charge at the same time
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Because we submit to one another, here is never this idea
of...
o “He can’t tell me what to do”
o or
o “I’m the man, like it or not, this is how it is!”
When men lead their wives as their beautiful brides,
as Christ would lead them, women have no problem walking alongside their husband (as down the aisle).
How is
this companionship possible?
1. You’ve got to give back the bunk beds
2:24. For
this reason a man will leave his father and mother
1 to leave,
loose, forsake. 1a ( Qal ) to leave. 1a1 to depart from, leave behind, leave, let alone.
1a2 to leave, abandon, forsake, neglect,
apostatise. 1a3 to let loose, set
free, let go, free. 1b ( Niphal ). 1b1 to be left to. 1b2 to be forsaken. 1c ( Pual ) to be deserted. 2 to restore, repair. 2a ( Qal )
to repair.
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We cannot have a divided interest.
o When we are living at home, we are under our parents’ authority
§ EXAMPLE: no tattoo or earrings till you turn 18 & move out
o When we get married we pledge our allegiance to our spouse
§ EXAMPLE: Don’t talk about my momma that way! Don’t talk about
my wife that way!
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Mom and dad are no longer the boss of you!
o (Make sure you tell them that)
o We will still respect our parents, but leaving our mom and dad means taking control
of our own family unit
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Nothing should come between the husband and wife.
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The important things
in life are always less important than your spouse
-
Cut the strings, sell the farm, burn the bridge, make your
relationship with you spouse #1!
2. You’ve
got to put on the sweat pants
2:24. and be united
to his wife,
1692 דָּבַק [ dabaq
/ daw· bak /] v . A primitive root; TWOT 398 ; GK 1815 ; 54 occurrences; AV translates as “cleave” 32 times, “follow hard”
five times, “overtake” three times, “stick” three times, “keep fast” twice, “…
together” twice, “abide” once, “close” once, “joined” once, “pursued” once, and “take”
once. 1 to cling, stick, stay close,
cleave, keep close, stick to, stick with, follow closely, join to, overtake, catch. 1a ( Qal ). 1a1 to cling, cleave to. 1a2
to stay with. 1b ( Pual ) to be joined
together. 1c ( Hiphil ). 1c1 to cause to cleave to. 1c2 to pursue closely. 1c3 to overtake. 1d ( Hophal ) to be made to cleave.
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This is not a passive approach
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This is you doing everything possible, and being all you
can be in order to form a relationship with your spouse that is inseparable
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This is a commitment
to make it work no matter what
-
You hold on for dear life no matter what. A broken relationship is not an option.
3. You’ve
Got To Take Off The Sweat Pants
2:24. and they will become
one flesh.
“you complete me”
“You are the air I breathe”
Physical
intimacy is the glue that binds a marriage together. Not just the physical aspect, but what is supposed to be in place and what is supposed to happen during
intimate times. Complete openness, and intimacy
It is an intimate knowledge.
Sleep with the lights on.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body
does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that
you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Physical intimacy
creates a supernatural bond between you and your partner that can never be broken. It
is something that you alone share with your spouse. No one else in your life
gets to share that. No one else is that intimate with your spouse. It is that intimacy that very much separates you from the friendships around you.
4. You’ve Got to Grow Up (towards Jesus)
Two things happen when we grow up (towards Jesus)
A. Growing toward Him grows you closer to each other
2 Corinthians 6:14-16. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship
can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial?
What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there
between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple
of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be
my people."
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faith is the strongest connection
two people can have (stronger than sexual intimacy)
Ephesians 4:11-16. It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets,
some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body
of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature,
attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer
be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and
craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into
him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined and held together
by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
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We were all given gifts as believers
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Our gifts were given as a way to build us together, to connect us
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We grow and become the person God created us to be. The more we grow, the more we are able to fit together with other Christians.
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The closer we get to Jesus, the closer we come to other Christians.
o (It may be possible for a Christian spouse to have greater intimacy with their Christian friends than
they do with their spouse. Let your spouse see what they are missing and then
point them to Jesus.)
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As we grow up into Jesus (mature as a Christian), we will grow closer to
our Christian spouse
B. Growing towards Jesus produces true joy
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Your spouse will never make you
happy!
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If you try to find happiness from your spouse, you will always be miserable!
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Because of sin he has committed, David is far from the Lord. He cries out to him to return His joy back in his life.
Psalm
51:8. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
- In
Psalm 16:7-11, we see the Psalmist praising God because he knows it is God who fills him with joy.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night
my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore
my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor
will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of
life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Galatians 5:22-23. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
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When we walk with the Lord, He produces joy in us.
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It does not come from our mate.
o Our spouse can make us happy at times, but true joy comes
from our relationship with Jesus.
